Chapter 7.11: Hunting for memories

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From Alba's diary

The weeks pass, little Iris and River are still living with me while my brother Helios tries desperately to find his lost memories.

Speaking of Helios and his memories, he told us that now he's followed by a specialist in the sector full-time. Her name is Kate, she seems like a bit of a nerd, to be honest, but she also seems to know what she's doing.

Kate: Forgotten memories are one thing, but for those erased with telepathy all we can do is to fight it back with telepathy.
Helios: I suspected this would have been the case...

Kate: (confidently) But, modesty aside, I'm the best in my class at telepathy. I'm afraid you'll have a bit of a headache, but rest assured, I'll dig out every single neuron in your head!

Kate:Uhm, nothing yet... They probably tried to erase also the cross-reference in your memories, but no one is really good enough to really succeed.

Helios: ... and here it comes the headache you were talking about.

Helios seems pretty worn out from all these brain scans, but he seems to be in good hands. I guess.

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Meanwhile, here at home I think I'm starting to grasp a bit better how to deal with Iris and River, but they are still so unpredictable sometimes...

What seems to bring them together is the fear of storms. Especially River, he's really inconsolable whenever he hears a thunder.

River: (whining) Aunt, bad thunder!

Alba: Don't worry, the sun will soon return and we will return to play outside...

I decided to read him a story, while Olivier (who luckily still shows up around this time in the evening) proposed to play a bit to cover the sound of the rain. Since there is so much space here he decided to teleport here his old keyboard. He doesn't play as well as he sings, but I still really enjoy hearing him play.

And since the music seemed to work, I took out my guitar too.

Alba: Ah ah, so you like music too, right Iris?
Iris: Me too, me too, play!
Alba: The guitar is bigger than you, I'm afraid this wouldn't be a good idea...
Iris: Ugh!

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Somehow, after all the singing and dancing, the kids were eventually tired enough to fall asleep without protesting (too much). 

Olivier was taking his stuff to return to his place, but I didn't really want to let him go just yet. I'm glad he is okay with helping me a bit with the kids if this means spending some time together, but even I'm missing some adult talks at this point. 

So I ended up asking:

Alba: That last song was very nice, Iris loved it! I had never heard it before, what song is it?
Olivier: Oh, it was just a silly rhyme we used to sing as kids, as an exercise for the choir.
Alba: It didn't seem easy at all, how do you do that?
Olivier: Ahm...

Here it was, something he didn't like to talk about. Thinking about it, he is always dismissing any compliment about his singing, and he's dedicating less and less time to an activity he now just defines as a hobby. What made him decide to quit, I wonder?

Alba: By the way, how came you basically quit singing? 

Olivier: (unconvinced) It just wasn't that important to keep spending so much time on it, that's it.

I could tell already that wasn't the truth. That seemed like the kind of answer he would give when wanting to avoid a topic he didn't like to talk about, actually. And, at this point, I think he knows me enough to know that I would notice, because he soon ended up admitting:

Olivier: Well... Or maybe it just wasn't as funny anymore.

Alba: Why, did something happen?

Olivier: Well... it's not like it's a secret, anyway. As a kid I used to sing a lot: at the choir, with the private teacher, and even at my parents' restaurant. But then...

Olivier: One's voice can change a lot when growing up. In comparison with what I could do when I was younger... This is really nothing special, that's it. 

Wait, what? Okay, casual singing at a karaoke may not be the same as being a professional singer or singing in a real choir, but how can he consider his voice mediocre? And I don't think it is just me, right?

Yet, he sounded sincerely concerned about what he was saying, he really believed it.

Alba: But... but what about your parents? Didn't they say anything at all?

Olivier: (hesitant) Well, they... They were quite categorical about it. 

Olivier's Dad: Why are you so upset? It's just a song, the customers have forgotten about it already.

Olivier: But... but I know how to sing that song, really!

Olivier's Mom: I called your singing teacher earlier, probably it is about time for you to focus on more important things. Like your social sciences test, your marks dropped significantly this time. How do you think to find a good job, this way?

Olivier's Dad: C'mon, why are you still making that face, Olivier? Still sad over the choir-whatever it was?

Olivier: But dad, I...

Olivier's Dad: For mercy's sake, Olivier, you can't continue to be such a sissy, show some guts! That's why you're always alone!

Olivier: ...

Olivier: And that's it. There isn't much more to say, I guess.

I didn't know his parents well, I had barely met them the few times we went to their restaurant. He never really spoke about them so openly before, either. But now I think I understand better why he never wanted to really spend time with them. What they used to tell him is frankly horrible, that's it. 

No wonders if he learnt to shut up, instead of showing any uncertainty, or weakness.

Alba: I'm sorry, what they told you was really... brutal.

Olivier: Uhm...

Alba: I'm glad you didn't completely quit singing. I think you've a fantastic voice, you know.

Olivier: Thanks, really.

Arrived at that point in the conversation, I really felt like he really needed a hug. Or I was the one who needed to comfort a bit a person I cared for. All I could come up in that moment was some compliment about his singing, but I felt like there was so much more to say, if just I found the words to describe them...

And I also think to start to understand better why he's spending more and more time with us. Thinking about it, back in New Sixam the expectations people had for him weren't that different from his parents'. In here instead, albeit River and Iris taking so much of our time, he seems way more relaxed than I'd ever seen him.

This is a side of him I rarely saw even when we were dating. And, honestly, I was missing it quite a lot. 

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