Chapter 8.32: Changing path

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From Rowan's diary

It's Sunday morning, and I have to admit that I was worried when Gaia asked us to stay out for longer than usual with her friends yesterday night. I've to say I'm positively surprised, though. She came home way before we agreed and went straight to sleep, she was really responsible.

However, during that breakfast, I also had the strong impression I was missing something. Why was Gaia so silent, and why did Juno look so worried?

Juno: Did something happen yesterday, with your friends?
Gaia: (dejected) That's nothing...
Juno: C'mon, it's clear something is troubling you! Just tell us!

Gaia: ... it's too embarrassing, okay?

Juno: ...

Juno didn't say anything, but she simply stared at our daughter with one of her piercing expressions, the one for saying: "I'll make you spit it out anyway, just know that!"

And Gaia must have understood the message too, because she shortly after decided to reply, with extreme reluctance:

Gaia: All right, if you're really that curious to hear my secrets, here it is! Basically, last night I asked a guy I like to go out for a date, but he said no. I felt bad about it, that's all.

Juno: Oh.

I froze with a popcorn in my hand for I don't know how long. Probably I should have anticipated that Gaia could have had trouble with some crush, isn't that normal for teens? Yet, the idea didn't cross my mind until she said it out loud. Did I have to say something? And what? For sure I can't use my past experience as a reference, at her age I just never thought about this stuff! 

Juno: (sympathetic) I think it's time for some girls chatting. Don't you have a presentation to finish anyway, Rowan?

Rowan: R-right. It's quite urgent too, indeed. 

Grateful for that excuse to leave the conversation, I left to reach the studio and opened my work computer. I'm sure that this time Juno will manage the situation much better than I would.

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From Gaia's diary

And so dad went to hide in the studio, without further explanation.

Gaia: (perplexed) Why did dad run away like that?

Juno: He just has a lot of work to do. But I'm all ears instead, just vent and tell me everything!

Gaia: There's not much to say... I asked him out, and he immediately told me no, that I could forget about it.

Gaia: I really don't understand, what did I do wrong? We get along very well, what's the problem?

Juno: Unfortunately, these situations aren't straightforward at all, it's quite the opposite actually...

Gaia: Maybe it just wasn't the right time, or I said the wrong things to him. But, maybe, if I tried again...

Juno: (serious) Gaia, I really don't think it's a good idea.

Gaia: Why not?

Juno: I'm sorry for how you're feeling, darling, but in relationships it is important to be reciprocated. And, unfortunately, the person you like doesn't always feel the same way as you do, this isn't something you can change.

Mom seemed to say reasonable things, but I had read about so many books in which, at the very last chapter, the protagonist suddenly realized all the qualities of the person next to them to then live happily ever after. So, maybe…

Gaia: But… But, maybe, he could change his opinion about me, right? Maybe we should just know each other better, or...

Juno: I think you already made your point very clear, at this point if he ever changes his mind it would be up to him to— 

Gaia: (sturdy) I saw dad's face earlier, do you really want me to believe you didn't have to insist with him?

I don't know why I said it, maybe I wanted to make her uncomfortable. Needless to say, it didn't work at all. Above all, she seemed amused instead (and a little bit nostalgic too, maybe?)

Juno: Well, you really chose a difficult example... But you're right, this is actually a pretty good example for what I'm trying to explain. You have to know that, the first time I tried to tell dad I liked him, I messed up so badly he ran away! It was such an embarrassing and messed up situation... But it's also when I learnt that, in such situations, apologising is a much better course of action than insisting.

Gaia: ...

Juno: It took more than a year to return back on that topic and, believe it or not, it was dad who started that conversation. Then, one thing led to the other, you know, and eventually... 

Gaia: (uncomfortable) Too many details, too many details!

Juno: (laughing) It was you to go on this topic, not me!

Juno: Let's go back on tracks, then. Do you mind if I make a little hypothetical example?

Gaia: …

Juno: if Tommy asked you out, what would you tell him?

Gaia: What, Tommy? I would tell him no, without thinking twice!

How could she ever think about that example? Tommy was the least attractive and most boring person I knew, I would never have agreed to date him, that's for sure.

Juno: I imagined it. And I also bet you wouldn't enjoy it if he tried changing your mind at all costs and kept insisting, would you?

Gaia: Of course not, it would be even wors— Oh.

I suddenly stopped complaining, understanding what her point was. She was saying there was a good chance that to Manuel I was a Tommy. Or, in other words, that I had no chance with him, and by insisting I would only make the situation unpleasant for us both and lose him completely.

Juno: I'm sorry darling, when someone says you no there isn't much you can do... But you could always remain friends, right?

Great, really great... (*of course I'm sarcastic, my dear diary*)

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Gaia: (to herself) “... and they all lived happily ever after...” Why do all book finish in this way?

By reading books it always seems so easy, in the end the love interest always realises to be madly in love with the protagonist and they have their happy ending. Reality, however, seems like the polar opposite. I'll never admit this out loud, but the more I think about it, the more I think that mom is probably right.

Gaia: At least you like me, right Nacho?

Nacho: Meow!

Oh well, who cares. I'm not in the mood to start reading another book, and in any case my friends are waiting for me.

Running into Manuel will be awkward as hell, but I'm not going to lose my entire group of friends over a misunderstanding like this.

???: Why did you run away the other day? You even missed the fireworks!

Gaia: (evasive) Um… I suspect I ate something that gave me a stomach ache, you know how it is…

???: That's so unlucky!

As the evening progressed, I started to see things from a slightly different perspective. Apparently, the problem wasn't me, but rather…

… Manuel already had someone else on his mind. I don't understand, what does Jessica have more than me? That's so annoying, don't you think so too, my dear diary?

At that point I left again, looking for something else to do. In these cases, graffiti never disappoints. I like putting colors together, trying new shapes and ideas, the creations I make are never the same. And I also like feeling that sense of risk, that fear of being caught at any moment with the paint can in hand. But what gives me the most satisfaction are the faces of passers-by in the following days, when they notice my works and wonder who could have painted them.

In the end, even without a boyfriend, I can still have a good time...

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From Rowan's diary

Rowan: Oh, hi Juno! It's very late tonight, are your work schedules so tight?

Juno: (yawning) To say the least...

I knew that she was already very tired from work, her company started examining possible terrains where the stellar core plant could be built, and for days she has been returning home well after dinner. Not that I was any less stressed, however, we were in the middle of the exam session and my desk was covered in exams to grade.

I would have preferred to talk to her about something completely different, perhaps try to cheer her up a little, but there was still a certain email, received a few hours earlier, that required all our attention.

Rowan: (serious) Gaia's teacher wrote to us, she says that she is worried about her grades.

Juno: Oh. What happened?

Rowan: More than anything, she stopped turning in her homework. And her grades dropped quite a bit, too.

Juno: …

Gaia has always shown extreme reluctance to do homework. Not long ago we were constantly pressuring her to ensure she finished her school work every day, but in the last few months it had become impossible for us, too much work. “She's old enough now to take care of her homework on her own”, we told ourselves. But, evidently, that wasn't the case.

Juno: ... I really don't know what to do... I know that studying would be important for her, but I don't think I would be capable of forcing her to stay at home and study if she really doesn't want to. At this point, she's old enough to know what she wants to do, right?

She said it with a particularly serious expression on her face, I think I learnt to recognise it by now: it's the expression she makes when she thinks back to her parents. Juno had always sworn not to become like them, a nagging presence deciding everything for her daughter, and thus she felt particularly conflicted when facing dilemmas of this kind. 

If it was just up to me I probably wouldn't have ruled out scolding Gaia to study again so quickly, but we both have to agree on choices of this type. So I told her instead:

Rowan: ...then all we have to do is make her understand that studying is important, make sure that she gets there on her own.

Juno: Uhm, this sounds easier said than done.

Rowan: I may have an idea, actually. What if...

So, the next morning, I intercepted Gaia right before she left for school. Juno was already at work, but we had agreed together on a tactic to follow. And then, school is my topic, this time it's my turn to talk with our daughter. 

Gaia: (annoyed) So what? They give us so much homework that it would be impossible to finish it anyway, that school is impossible!

Rowan: (shaking his head) It may seem that way now, but what you learn now will help you later in life. Without even a high school degree, you risk finding many doors barred when you try to apply for a job.

Gaia: As if I needed to memorize the dates of all those battles, or remember what le bateau mouche means in Simçais. I really don't care about that stuff, and even when I'll find a job I want to stay away from it.

Rowan: …

I'm sorry to hear that, I liked all those subjects. But the more time passes, the more I resign to the fact that Gaia will never follow in my footsteps. She certainly won't go to university to study law, nor would she ever be a lawyer or a teacher. This realization saddens me a little, but the priority should be to find the best solution for her.

Rowan: Have you ever thought about what you want to do when you grow up? Seriously, I mean.

Gaia: Erm, I don't know...

Rowan: You seem to be having a lot of fun exercizing with the matter recomposer at the store, aren't you?

Gaia: Well, actually that's not bad.

She seemed confused, she hadn't yet understood where I was going with this.

Rowan: As simple as it may seem, even to do a job like that requires a solid preparation. In fact, literature or Simçais would be of little use for it, but there are still many things to learn about how the matter recomposer, the teleportation devices and so on work.

Gaia: (perplexed) But they don't teach you those things at school.

Rowan: They don't teach those things in your school.

Rowan: (seriously) There are technical institutes in New Sixam where students learn exactly this kind of thing. I think Thomas is enrolled in one of those too.

Gaia: …

Rowan: Mom and I really think it's important for you to have some degree, but if the school you are attending now isn't really right for you, it may be something else. If you want, for the last two years you could change schools, and study in New Sixam for a while. We heard they do a lot of lab practice, they would teach you how to disassemble and reassemble those devices piece by piece, and by teleporting it shouldn't be too problematic to commute back and forth either. We'll probably have to install another couple of solar panels to compensate for the electricity consumption, but...

I don't know how much of what I said Gaia actually heard, I had the strong impression I lost her when I mentioned "disassembling and reassembling devices" and she didn't seem to be interested in anything else.

Gaia: Would that really be okay with you? This isn't some kind of joke, right?

Rowan: Do I ever joke?

Having said this she stood up, her back was to me but I could see that she was happy.

Gaia: I have to go to school now, but I'll think about it. See you!

That said, she grabbed her bike helmet and backpack and ran down the stairs.

I think she was glad to hear that alternative proposal, I'm pretty confident I know what her answer will be. In the meanwhile, Juno and I hope wholeheartedly to have found the best solution for her, you don't know how much, my dear diary...

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