Chapter 9.8: The loneliest

§HermioneSims§ corner!

Here I am again, this time for a small warning! This is a short yet quite thought chapter, that I ended up writing in a hurry when I realised I miscalculated the timing quite badly (*again*).

I cannot write a precise warning without spoiling the whole chapter, just be aware Gaia is about to face a quite brutal reality check this time. 

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From Gaia's diary

These days I really don't feel like writing, I'm too sad to do so... Maybe you're wondering why, my dear diary?

Unfortunately in the last few weeks my parents passed away, a few days one from the other. I know I always said that I didn't need their help, that there was no need to call me all the time and so on, but I also didn't expect that Harvestfest would have been the last time I'd seen them in person. Realising I won't be able to see or talk with them again hit me hard, that's what.

I tried to spend some time in Sulani, but I just couldn't stay a second longer than strictly needed. I didn't need more reason to think about them and what I may have missed, I wanted some time to reflect on my own. So I picked Nacho and Pixel, set the teleport on the coordinates of Mount Komorebi, and left. 

I'm almost thirty now, and I certainly didn't imagine I'd find myself in this situation when I moved to Evergreen Harbor. Back then, I was still convinced that I could find my Prince Charming, and I was also sure that my high school friends would have been there forever. Instead, my old high school friends have all gone their own way and are scattered around the world, we rarely talk to each other anymore. I would have found this impossible to think back then, but at this point the only (sort of) friend left is Tommy. And it's not like he's really willing to spend much time with me either, he's always rushing out of work to stay with Valentina at this point.

And I don't even think that the situation will improve on its own, as I get older I'm afraid that the chances of remaining completely alone with my pets will only worsen. Life it's too short to waste it this way, it's time to clear my head, understand what I really want to achieve in my life, and start doing something to achieve it... 

But what do I really want?

After Matt I was thriving in my new independence, but today I felt like the loneliest person ever. Without my parents and with all my (former?) friends busy with other things I often end up spending entire days alone, it's just too much. It almost makes me wonder where everyone else went, but the answer is quite clear: at our age, everyone seems to be thinking about settling down, and starting their own family. I've fallen too much behind, that's what.

I think I'd like to have kids sooner or later. Actually, I'd like to have more than one, because as a kid I'd liked to have a sibling to play with. However, I certainly can't do it alone, nor I can postpone it forever. Biology can be quite cruel, sometimes. 

But I also don't want to desperately find a man just to settle down, the sole idea makes my skin crawl. I cannot picture any person I'd like to date now, and even less so I can imagine committing all my life to someone else. I feel like my desires are incompatible with each other, what should I do? Find a compromise with myself?

This excursion certainly made me think, but I can't say that it helped me decide anything. 

Pixel: Wof!

Gaia: Hey, hi Pixel! What's that face, were you worried?

I think Pixel sensed how I felt, because he jumped into my arms trying to comfort me. He is a very intelligent and sensitive dog, certainly the best thing Matt left behind him.

Only then did I realize it was night already, we had been walking all day. Both Pixel and Nacho were hungry and tired at that point, and I would have done better to go home too.

They say that acknowledging your problems is the first step to solving them, and I can only hope that those rumours were right. I hate having so many doubts in my head, I want to be able to find the right path for me as soon as possible...

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