From Alba's diary
Alba: ...
Maki: (kind) Alba, is everything okay?
Alba: Yes, I would say yes.
After that evening Olivier and I decided to take a pause for reflection. I really miss spending time with him, but before I can go back I think I have to figure out what I really want.
The first thing I did was to give up on that job as a secretary, I really couldn't stand it anymore. Soon after, I gave to charity all those dresses and skirts I'd been wearing lately, but that still felt somehow extraneous to me. I also got that tattoo I talked about with mom done, because deep down I like it and I'm trying to pay more attention to my opinions and less to those of others. Taking each of these steps made me feel so relieved, I didn't realize the weight each of these compromises placed on me until I shook them off.
But I still don't understand what my purpose in life could be, I feel like I keep going around in circles like hamsters. I had just one suggestion I felt could have been worthing to explore, which was...
Alba: … I was thinking of following your suggestion, dad, maybe I should really go on a trip. Seeing fun places, meeting new people… I should be able to distract myself a little, and maybe even see things from a slightly different point of view.
Sirio: I couldn't agree more.
Maki: Yes, me too.
So all that remained was to choose a destination where I could free my mind and reflect. And there was a place that, after a certain vacation we had several years ago, I just couldn't get out of my head.
The view here can only take your breath away, but as soon as I close my eyes I can't help but go back to thinking about Olivier and everything else... No, it's not working that way, maybe I should try to talk with locals more instead.
There are many people in this bar, it may be a good starting point. I remember it well from our last trip, we were hiding here to avoid the monsoon rain. But when the weather is good, like today, it is full of happy people.
Among them all, the ones I spoke to the most were Kai and her little brother Manu, they seem to be natives of the island.
They didn't bat an eye even though I'm a blue sixamian. Actually, it happens very rarely here on Sulani, they are very used to tourists from New Sixam in general. And locals are generally very nice people too, Kai and Manu seem to be the first people I meet after ages to really care about what I say, and how I feel.
Kai: Oh, I'm very sorry you had to face such a situation. I'm sure it wasn't easy...
Manu: Hey, if you want to distract yourself a bit, why don't come with us to the festival? It's at a five-minute walk from here, and there's always plenty of good food!
Kai: You have school tomorrow, so you should go home straight away!
Manu: Ugh...
Kai: But it's actually not a bad idea, the two of us could give it a go instead. What do you think, Alba?
On our previous trip here to Sulani we really acted like tourists, only paying attention to the beaches and avoiding places like this. That festival, therefore, was a complete surprise to me. I knew that these islands are rich in history and tradition, but I didn't expect it to be so evident even from a small festival like this one.
Well, after travelling over such a distance, the minimum I can do is to try to really participate to this celebration, and not just stay there and watch from a corner as I usually do.
We ate local food, danced around the bonfire, played and sang all evening. No frills, no words of circumstance, just people who want to have fun as has been done for centuries on these islands.
Probably Olivier wouldn't have enjoyed it as much, too chaotic, but I think this is the funniest party he's ever attended instead!
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The next day I decided to seriously explore the nature of the place, heading towards the island of Mua Pel'am. This is the least inhabited island of the archipelago, and I hope that walking around these beaches can help me clear my mind...
I really like being able to walk and swim undisturbed in places like this, instead of in that cage that my office was...
The real pity is all this rubbish that, almost arrogantly, appears even in natural paradises like this. How can people be so uncivilized to not even bother to throw it in a trash bin? This issue was already quite clear during our last vacation, especially during the trip with Trix, but the situation seems to have gotten worse since then.
Manu: Hey, hello!
Alba: Hi! Is the school day over already?
Manu: Not really, we're here on a school trip.
Alba: Oh.
Thinking about it, when living in a place like this school trips in the archipelago had to be the norm for the local students.
Manu: Today they will show us what the work of environmental operators consists of, and then they will send us to collect some rubbish around.
Alba: (perplexed) Environmental operators?
Manu: Yes, they are part of a small company that tries to remove rubbish and keep an eye on invasive species on the island, things like that. But if you're so interested, you can ask them in person, Mrs Tara is coming. (Loudly) Hey, Mrs Tara, hi!
Tara: Hey, Manu, hi! And you are…
Alba: my name is Alba, I'm here on a vacation.
Tara: Oh, welcome to Mua Pel'am, then!
So that old lady told me about her job. Fighting against pollution of beaches, forests and sea, keeping on check fish and plant species, but also the volcano that overlooks this island, certainly there was a lot of variety. Mrs Tara looked as tanned as people who spend most of their days outside in the tropical sun, and she seemed so genuinely involved in what she was saying that it was hard not to get excited as well.
A job that allowed you to spend all day outdoors on a tropical island... It didn't sound too bad, actually.
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During one of my last days in Sulani, Lily and Mirko decided to take the teleport machine and come visit me. By my sister's own admission, they wanted to talk to me and make sure I was okay, but getting a free evening by the Sulani's sea wasn't an advantage to underestimate.
Lily: (wispering) I'll reach you soon, but I'd rather talk to Alba alone.
Mirko: (wispering) I expected it. See you later then!
Lily: I'm surprised, you seem to be doing better than I expected.
Alba: We didn't break up, we're just taking a pause for reflection.
Lily: Are you still thinking of returning back to him, then? Seriously?
Alba: Ahm... I'm not really sure.
Alba: (thoughtfully) There is one thing in particular I'm really unsure about.
Yes, I still had a big doubt in my head, and I would also have liked to talk about it with my sister. But I was also sure that she wouldn't like what I was about to say at all...
But maybe, for once, I could also not think about it too much, and just ask her.
Alba: I know that you and Mirko don't like to describe it in these terms, but at home we all started to notice that you really seem to have a very close relationship. Just like a couple.
Lily: Wait, Alba, what are you tal...
Alba: Honestly, recently I also started to notice that even you don't sound totally sincere when saying the opposite.
I must have caught Lily by surprise, she seemed unsure whether to get angry at me or laugh. Luckily for me, the winning option was the latter.
Lily: (with a half laugh) That's a very unexpected sight, once you wouldn't have the courage to say it straight to my face, you know? Yet, I would rather not talk about this. Sometimes answers are harder than a yes or a no, you know.
Alba: I know... It's just that I'd like to have your advice, really.
Lily: Are you sure you want to ask me, and not mom for example?
Clearly, Lily isn't a very romantic person, she would seem like the last person to ask about love affairs, and she's fully aware of this too. Yet, there is something special in the relationship she has with Mirko. Something I can't clearly grasp, and something I'm quite envious of too.
Alba: (thoughtful) You and Mirko always seem to agree on everything, and to understand each other in the blink of an eye. I admit that I envy you a little, you know? Because with me and Olivier it's usually the total opposite instead...
Lily: Well, all people are different, I don't think we can make comparisons like that.
Alba: …
Lily: (thoughtfully) And then I wouldn't say that we really understand each other straight away, more than anything we talk about things until we agree on what to do.
Alba: Do you ever need to make a compromise, though?
Lily: It's impossible to always have the same opinion on everything, isn't it? But at least on the really important things I don't want to accept any compromise, it doesn't seem fair to either of us. It's not like people are obliged to stick together at all costs, you know?
Alba: I see...
Lily: Listen, Alba. I know this choice isn't easy, but if you're really thinking about these types of questions, I have the impression that deep down you've already decided what to do. Isn't it?
Alba: … Yes, I think so too.
Lily: Good luck then.
That said Lily waved her hand to say goodbye, she only had one evening to spend in Sulani and she still had many other things on her to-do list before returning to Sim City. I, on the other hand, took advantage of the opportunity to stay on that pier for a little longer, and then pick up my old guitar.
While I was strumming a few songs, lost in my thoughts and the rhythmic noise of the waves, I couldn't help but remember that that parenthesis in Sulani was about to end.
But, for once, I had the impression to have understood something in those days, about myself and who I am. And, in my mind, the conversation I still had to have with Olivier was becoming clearer and clearer every second...
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Sirio: Hi Alba, welcome back!
Sirio: (relieved) You're glowing, was it a good vacation?
Alba: I... I had a lot of time to think, yes.
It took me hours to tell them everything, absolutely everything, about what I had done and thought while I was in Sulani. And my parents couldn't be more enthusiastic, as they could clearly see how much I was able to understand about myself during that short week abroad.
Maki: ... I suppose all that remains is to say all these things to Olivier too, then.
Alba: yes, I think so too.
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Olivier joined me a little later, while I was playing the guitar on my own near the usual lake, again.
Olivier: (cautiously) Hello, Alba. What a strange place to meet…
Alba: It's easier for me to think in a place like this.
Olivier: H-have you finally decided what you want to do?
Alba: I... yes, I think I've made a choice, yes.
Olivier was anxiously awaiting my response, and I couldn't help but already feel deeply guilty for what I was about to tell him.
Alba: Olivier, I really like you. I loved talking to you, and even singing together like we did on New Year's Eve, and all that. But…
Olivier: But what?
Alba: ... Well... the point is that I understood that the real me is... is the one you see today. I'm this weird girl who plays guitar in the middle of nowhere. I really couldn't stand that job as a secretary, and also those very uncomfortable clothes, or the dinners at five-star restaurants. I'm sorry I never managed to tell you this before.
Olivier: Alba, do you really think that those were the important things for me? It would be enough to talk about it, it's...
He said such reasonable things, and he seemed sincere while talking too... But I knew that the complicated part of that speech had yet to come, and at least this time I had to force myself and say everything that was on my mind, even if it meant to interrupt him!
Alba: (interrupting him) I'm sorry, but I'm not finished yet!
Olivier: ...
Alba: The point is that I don't give a damn about having a good salary, if it means doing a job I don't like. And I don't care about buying a nice house and starting a perfect family. Even though it may seem silly, I want to be able to continue playing the guitar and singing, and I want to be able to be outdoors as long as I can. And above all, I never want to end up locked in an office again!
Olivier: Well, but we could find a way, right? Maybe it would be necessary to find a compromise, but…
Alba: (interrupting him again) But I know that all these are important things for you, that you really care about them. And I also think it would be wrong to ask you to give up on them. I don't think it's possible to compromise on such important things and still be happy, for either of us...
Olivier: (sad) So you've thought about everything already...
Alba: (nods)
We have decided not to see each other anymore, it would make things even more difficult. I knew it would have been difficult to finish this speech, but I didn't expect it to be this hard.
At least, I was able to explain my reasons and he ultimately seemed sincere when he said he agreed with what I said, it was a reasoned breakup and I think that in the long run this was the best choice for both of us.
But the fact remains that it hurts a lot, and that it will take a long time to get over it...
I’m so glad Alba quits her job. She was suffering too much there for no reason. I wonder if she’ll want to live in Sulani (which is definitely not something I would have predicted for her earlier). It’s too bad she has to break up with Olivier, but she really can’t compromise on herself anymore. If he wants to be with her, he’s going to have to make changes. Too bad breakup is still going to hurt even though it’s reasonable. :(
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