From Sirio's diary
At a first sight the situation at home could seem perfect, but I can't avoid worrying a bit about Alba. I see her... swinging, at some moments she seems like the usual carefree girl, while in others she seems to have the weight of the whole world's expectations on her shoulders.
Maki: Is your workday going to be that terrible, Alba? You have a face this morning…
Alba: (distracted) What? Oh, no, nothing different than usual, actually…
Alba has recently started working as a secretary in the same office as Olivier, and she is really trying her hardest. But it is already clear to everyone that this job is not really for her.
Every evening, when she returns from the office, I can immediately sense a terrible aura around her, that dissipates only when she heads to the garden or takes a long walk.
Maki: I don't understand, why did she take that job as a secretary? She hates being indoors and doing paperwork!
Sirio: ... I sense she's a bit... disoriented. But today I see her even gloomier than usual, maybe I should talk again to her.
These days, Alba spends more and more time near a small lake hidden behind the hill in front of our house. She usually brings her guitar with her and strums a few songs, she says this is another thing that helps her reflect.
Alba: (surprised) Hey, hi dad!
Sirio: Actually.. I'm quite worried about you, your morale seems so low right now. Would you like to talk a bit about it?
Alba: Well, maybe it's true a little, yes, but I can't really tell you what's wrong... Because I don't know it either.
Sirio: Is everything okay with Olivier? Are you sure?
Alba: Yes, I think... Especially on New Year's Eve we had a lot of fun! We sang together all evening, he's really good at singing...
Sirio: So it may be because of your new job?
Alba: ... Actually that doesn't drive me crazy, maybe I should look for something else... But what? I don't even know what kind of job I may really like, but nowadays it's so difficult to be hired at any job, really. But I can't even live with you and mom forever, strumming the guitar and pulling a few weeds in the garden, right?
So that's the problem, she feels like she hasn't found her way yet, but on the other hand she thinks she can't afford to postpone making those choices any longer. I also have the impression that, probably because of her uncertainty, she's just doing what others expect from her at the moment.
So she also ended up accepting many compromises, evidently too many, and this is clearly making her quite unhappy with her life.
Sirio: Alba, you've all the time in this world to take these choices, there isn't any need to rush yourself in this way, really. That's what I and mom are here for, isn't it?
Alba: Uhm…
Sirio: If you want some advice, I actually think that travelling could help you. It really worked for me, I was so on the fence about everything before going to Sim City…
Alba: Yes, maybe… Thanks, I'll think about it.
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Sirio: Paintings on sale, only unique pieces!
From time to time I continue to sell my paintings here in our front yard. Once upon a time I never thought I could become famous with my art, but lately I even received a few emails from the Sim City art gallery asking me to present in person the essence of the synesthetic art in their next exhibition. They seemed at least as disappointed as I was when I had to tell them I couldn't leave this Country for that little misunderstanding with the law I had some years ago.
Still, it is funny to talk about my paintings to the people showing up at these sales, and to discuss how to better expose them in their living rooms. Maybe it's my old age, but talking for hours about the paintings I've made is now one of my favourite things to do.
Alba: Hi mom!
Maki: Hi!
Maki: Sirio is selling a lot of his paintings again. I'm actually quite sorry about a couple of them, they would have looked so good hanging on the wall along the staircase...
Alba: Yes, some of those paintings he decided to sell today are really beautiful. And I have to say I really like this one too, I found it in his studio!
Saying this, Alba had taken a little sketch out of her pocket, it must have been one of the many pieces of paper amassed in my studio on which I scribble sketches of paintings before making them.
Maki: Oh, what a beautiful Moon! Here Sirio really did a fantastic job with the bright colours, you're absolutely right...
Maki: (enthusiastic) You know what? It would make a beautiful tattoo, on a shoulder for example.
Alba: It's true, you're right! However…
Maki told me that at first Alba seemed at least as enthusiastic as she was about the idea, but as soon as she started to think about it properly she kind of… lost all of her light.
Maki: Is something wrong?
Alba: …It's just that in the office tattoos aren't allowed, and the same applies to pierciengs, or things like that.
Maki: C'mon, seriously? (Snorting) What troglodytes…
Alba: Yes, it's a shame…
Having said that, Alba had taken a look at the messages on her mobile phone, to then definitively return back to her usual routine, by saying:
Alba: Anyway, I'm seeing Olivier tonight, see you later late!
Maki: Bye then...
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The weeks pass, and it's time for (no more so) little Helios' birthday. Over the past few months he has been studying like crazy for his diploma and admission to his chosen university, but that doesn't seem to have dampened his enthusiasm for what awaits him in the coming months.
Helios: Happy birthday to me, then!
Helios has decided to study at the new Tech Sixam scientific and technological hub, in the modern neighbour that was built when they decided to enlarge the Foxbury Institute area. Since Techna has also been working there for some time now and the two of them are getting along better and better, they decided to move out right away and live there together.
Houses there all use the latest technology, paradoxically inspired by the ancient engineering technique of the planet Sixam.
Alba: Wow, this house looks like a spaceship!
Helios: The real technology is in home automation, everything in here responds to voice commands for example!
Alba: Cool!
For Maki and me this is not an easy day, at this point all the kids have grown up and are drifting further and further away from us... But despite everything we can only be very proud of Helios, he seems to have clear ideas about what he wants and with all the enthusiasm he puts into it we are sure that he will reach his goals in no time!
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From Alba's diary
The last few weeks have felt so… chaotic. The new job sucks all my energy away, and then mom and dad keep talking to me about things that fill my head with doubts, and then we had to think about Helios and Techna moving to Tech Sixam... I just feel like a ship at the mercy of the events, unable to decide its own course.
For a while I thought it might be normal, but today I just feel so tired of this whole situation.
But perhaps the reason why I feel so tired at this very moment is that it is now late in the evening, and Olivier is taking me home after dinner at his parents' restaurant.
Olivier: (encouraging) The boss seems very happy about your work, at this rate he might even decide to give you a wage raise in the next quarter!
Alba: Oh, fantastic…
Olivier: Is everything okay? It may be the flu, I heard many people catching it recently, or...
Alba: I'm just a little tired, it's nothing to worry about.
Olivier: Oh, I see.
I saw him as a little distracted, he didn't seem genuinely interested in the answers I was giving him, and he didn't seem really focused on what he was saying to me either.
I had the impression that he had more pressing thoughts at the time, and I realized what it was a little later in our walk.
Olivier: Listen, Alba, I have something really important to ask you...
Olivier: Would you like to marry me?
Alba: What!?
I don't remember exactly what went through my head at that moment, there were so many thoughts all at once that it confused me.
From the beginning of that relationship I had always thought I was happy with him, I actually was sure to be in love with him even.
But at that moment all I thought about was that getting married would mean finding a house with him, starting a family together and, in all likelihood, even keeping that job I hated so much forever. It meant setting my entire life, even though I didn't even know what I wanted to do with it. It felt like a trap, that's what. And so the only answer I felt like giving was...
Alba: No!
Olivier: … Alba…!?
Seeing his expression at that moment I couldn't help but feel terribly guilty. We often talked about his aspirations, he really cared about getting a good position at work, starting a family and everything. Unlike me, he had very clear ideas, and I must have just shattered all his dreams.
So all I could do was stammer out a justification for what I had just done, I couldn't avoid it.
Alba: Sorry, I didn't want to throw the ring away, I can help you to find it...
Olivier: (hurt) Why, Alba?
Alba: I... I love you, really, but I'm still not sure if I want to get married, it's such an important choice, right? And I…
Olivier: Alba, you never tell me what's really on your mind, you always tell me that everything is fine, I thought that... But you must have some ideas about what you want to do, right?
Alba: Well, I...
I took another deep breath. To explain myself I had to be honest, but I also knew that the truth would hurt him.
Alba: ... I don't know why, but I actually don't know what I want to do with my life either, it all seems so confusing to me... I think I need some time on my own, to try to clear my head.
Olivier: I see...
We couldn't take it anymore, so shortly after we turned our backs and headed towards our respective homes.
I really don't know what to do anymore, how did I end up in this situation? And what could I do to understand how everything could end to be so wrong, and how I could get out of this situation?
I'm glad that Alba said no. She's been bending herself to what other people think is good for so long that I worried she may not be able to stand up for what's healthy for her, but she puts the breaks on things here, which is impressive. Yay! If she made more compromises, I think she'd become even more deprived of energy and even more miserable. Luckily, she's been trying out some different things already and she knows that she doesn't really like working as a secretary, so hopefully she can change her job and also her style if her current style isn't really her.
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