Chapter 7.8: Singing in the night

 <-- Previous Chapter

From Alba's diary

My island life continues without major shocks. Every day I wake up early in the morning with Nacho, check the plants in my garder, and then rush to work.

These islands are full of secrets, I discover new corners to explore practically every day.

-------------------------------------------------

A few weeks later...

Helios finally decided to come and visit me, I've been suggesting it for weeks but he always found excuse after excuse not to come. I really don't understand, when we were little we always told each other everything but now he really gives me the impression of being keeping some secret from me...

Helios: (to himself) Stupid experimental side effects...

Alba: Helios, hello!

Alba: Is everything okay? It's been so difficult to talk to you for a while now!

Helios: (vaguely) Yes, well... We had a lot to do, between experiments and whatnot, you know how it is...

Alba: You almost look sick, you know? Are you really sure that everything is fine?

Helios: Yes, don't worry!

Alba: Uhm...

I knew for a fact that he was lying, but I also know him enough to know that I wouldn't solve anything by insisting too much to make him confess.

Alba: Rather, I think we should go and visit mom and dad a little more often... Since dad has been in hospital I've been worried about their health, that's it.

Helios: They are quite old at this point, I don't think there's we can do about it... But they'd probably be happy to see us a little more often, there's no doubt about that.

We talked a lot about our parents, they always tell us not to waste time worrying about them and to get on with our lives, but considering their age it's impossible for me not to seriously worry about them... 

But we also talked about a lot of other things, like the festivals on the island and the ones at Tech Sixam, and how the two places couldn't be more different, about my job and the university he's attending, and much more. It seems that Helios is already doing experiments in a large medical biology laboratory as part of his thesis project, he is so close to his graduation! But there's really no way to convince him to tell me what he's experimenting on, who knows why...

-------------------------------------------------------

But it's not just my relatives who come to visit me, in fact I'm often the one who takes the teleport machine and returns to New Sixam. Today, for example, I went to a karaoke night with Erika.

Erika: How nostalgic, I think we haven't been here since when you started... Ehm, maybe it's better if I don't talk about it, though.

Alba: …

Yes, I hadn't been at karaoke with Erika since I started dating Olivier, it was ages ago. And, even if it wasn't easy to explain it to my cousin Erika, I was also starting to think that meeting at that very place had been a horrible idea. Even though we didn't go together to that karaoke bar more than a couple of times, I still remember in detail the times when Olivier and I went there to sing, and I can't help but feel an absurd nostalgia for it... 

But I still try not to think about it, and have fun with my cousin doing what I like to do. I chose a song that I've never sung with him, and I tried to let myself be distracted by the notes.

It worked? Not entirely, but all in all I still think we had a good evening.

------------------------------------------------------------------

As I promised myself, I am also trying to spend more time with my parents. I visit them at least a couple of times a week, and I often take Nacho with me too.

Maki: To be honest, this cat is really strange. It almost seems like he already knows this place...

Alba: It's almost like he knew us for a while, isn't it?

Maki: Well, yes, somehow...

Sirio: (from downstairs) Hey Alba, is that you?

Alba: Hi dad! How are you?

Sirio: I'm not doing that badly, you don't need to worry at all...

But, no matter how much my parents tell me to stop worrying about them, for me it's just impossible. The more time passes, the more I see them tired and full of aches and pains, how could I not be?

Our worst fears came true a few weeks later. Dad was playing the violin, as he usually does, when he was struck by some of his illnesses and...

I talked a lot about it with mom, since now alone in that big house in New Sixam. She could come and live with me for a while, or even with Lily or Helios, I'm sure they would never say no to her.

Maki: It may be my age talking, you know that elders don't like changes... I'll be fine here, don't worry!

Alba: I see...

It's a difficult period for our family, sometimes it's complicated to find the right words to say to each other. But if there's one thing dad taught us, it's that a hug often says more than a thousand words.

-------------------------------------------------

The weeks pass, and we seek solace from our sadness and worries in the daily routine. I must admit that I am very happy to have Nacho here with me, at this moment I don't think I would be able to stay completely by myself in this period.

Alba: You really seem to like that spot on the fridge, don't you Nacho?

Nacho: Meow!

Alba: How strange, I was convinced that the scarecrow was a little more to the right, before... What do you think, Nacho?

Nacho: (huffs suspiciously)

Alba: Oh well, I risk being late for work. I'll think about it again tonight I think... But you stay here and keep an eye on him while I'm gone, okay?

{    Small parenthesis on the scarecrow's day

Alba: I'm back home!

End of the small parenthesis     }

Today at work I had to remove a lot of rubbish floating in the sea. This place is so beautiful, I'm so sorry to see all this plastic around! 

The local coral reef is already suffering, it's caused by the warmer water temperature, they say. Avoiding throwing garbage around seems such a trivial thing in comparison, why are people so careless?

At the environmental agency we are working hard to solve the problem, yet the situation doesn't seem to be improving at all...

To clean the sea I also had to swim left and right all day, I'm really exhausted...

------------------------------------------------------------------

But it's not even enough for me to exhaust myself with work to make the voices in my head shut up, in the evening the loneliness always ends up catching on me. 

So I end up going to the beach again and again, picking up the guitar and playing over and over again that same song that I had sung with Olivier too long ago. I try to delude myself that I have managed to forget him, but it is clear that this is not at all the case. And tonight is even worse than usual, I can almost hear him singing here with me. It seems so real, even too much so...

I turned slowly, continuing to play, and I immediately saw him at the edge of the beach, singing softly to the notes I was playing.

I put the guitar down suddenly, he was the last person I expected to meet in here.

Olivier: (hesitant) Surprised?

Alba: Well, yes, can't you tell? I really didn't expect to see you here, especially after everything we had said to each other, that's it.

Olivier: … I think I still have a lot to tell you. About... about what I wasn't able to pull out until now.

Alba: …

He wasn't lying, I felt it with absolute clarity. And, in any case, at that moment I don't think I would have been able to send him away. I missed him too much, maybe even being able to exchange a few words would have helped me to clear up my thoughts.

Olivier: So now you live here.

Alba: Yes.

Olivier: It's a really nice place, I see why you chose this place.

Alba: Follow me, I know a spot with an even better view.

Alba: I know I made you feel bad, why did you come back?

Olivier: … I think I was missing a certain “weird girl who plays the guitar in the middle of nowhere”.

Alba: But…

Olivier: The last time you were the one doing most of the talking, it seemed like you had been thinking about what to say for a long time. I wasn't able to say anything on the spot, but now I had some time to think about it too. And I think I have something else to say.

And so we talked, and talked, and talked. We have always said many things to each other in past years, but never so many, all at once.

Olivier: (thoughtfully) Alba, I still struggle to understand how we managed to get to this point...

Alba: It seems clear enough to me instead. We wanted very different things, you said that too. In the end, I'm just...

Olivier: (interrupting her) Alba, I don't think you're just a "strange girl who plays the guitar in the middle of nowhere". Really.

He hesitated for a moment, as if he were ashamed of what she was about to say. Thinking about it, I never had the impression that it was easy for him to talk about his feelings.

Olivier: I never told you, but at school I had a big crush on you for a while, you know? I think it was since that school trip on Sixam.

Alba: (surprised) Oh.

Olivier: And, if you think about it, it was after seeing you singing at that karaoke that I finally found the courage to talk to you. Honestly, I didn't even expect you to accept, but…

Alba: I remember that time well too.

Olivier: (thoughtful) But then, the more time passed the more you seemed like a bird in a cage, and I just couldn't understand why, like an idiot. I suggested to go to the restaurant, the cinema, or the museum, because I thought those were normal things to do. But seeing you now, I understand that none of these things were right for you. What I don't understand, however, is why you tried to change so much, just to never say no to me.

Alba: I... I immediately understand when you're telling the truth and when you're lying, you know. And every time I proposed something that you didn't like, or did something that seemed strange to you, I always clearly perceived that you responded in a certain way to be kind to me, but that you didn't really mean it. So, after a while, I just stopped trying, I guess.

Olivier: I was always working a lot, honestly I see why my answers could have seemed a bit... cold. However, that really sounds unfair towards you.

Alba: ...

Olivier: So, do you mean that I should have been brutally honest with you, always?

Alba: Well...  I know it's not easy... But yes, probably yes.

He thought for a moment before replying, actually he's always very careful with what he says.

Olivier: However, Alba... I'm not like you, nor do I have tendrils on my head, I just can't read minds in any way, actually. You always said everything was fine for you, and I thought that this had to really be the case, then.

Alba: … I'm sorry about that. I probably could have been more honest with you too.

We had never talked like that, it seemed to have solved quite a few points already... Except that we were avoiding the elephant in the room, which was the real reason why I had decided to break up.

Alba: However, Olivier, what do you plan to do after this chat? We've already talked about it, we aim for very different things in life. I think that, in the long run, it wouldn't do either of us any good to try again. You've always focused on your job, so that you can then think about starting a nice family and everything, but I just...

Olivier: This is actually one of the things I wanted to talk to you about. And, in insight, it was probably very silly on my side not to do so before trying to give you that ring, too.

Alba: What do you mean?

Olivier: I don't have such clear ideas about my future as you may be thinking. Yes, I'm doing a quite good job as an accountant and saving some money, but for the rest...

I was perplexed, if there was one person who I really considered to be sure about his future, that was Olivier. Everyone knows that having a family and children cost a lot of money, wasn't it what he was saving his money for? I always gave this for granted, this is what I got from him, but did I ever hear him talking about it? I wasn't so sure anymore...

Alba: Don't you plan on getting a large house, or start a family, or this kind of thing? 

Olivier: (bitter) It doesn't sound like a bad idea, does it? But I have to be realistic, I'll never be able to reach that point.

Alba: C'mon, you'd just need to find the right person who wants...

Olivier: (frustrated) I never told you because we had never gotten to the point of talking about it so seriously, but... I can't have children, Alba. It's because of a genetic anomaly, or so the doctors told me.

That revelation was the last thing I expected to hear that night, it left me speechless.

I had often heard that sixamians were more likely to be sterile than other Earthlings. It happens because we're all hybrids between the original Sixamians and the humans at various extents, and our genetic makeup can be quite messy sometimes. Yet, I had no idea that Olivier was one of those people.

Alba: Sorry, I didn't know...

Olivier: (gently) There is no need to apologize, really. 

Alba: ...

If I was left speechless, he seemed to have a much easier time talking than before instead. As if, after that big revelation, everything else was flowing outside on its own.

Olivier: (bitter) So what do I have left? My job? I was always taught that working is fundamental, that I needed to save as much as I could to be able to put my dreams into practice. However... I don't think that any amount of money could shut up all the doubts in my head right now. And I don't want to live exclusively for my job either, Alba.

Alba: ...

Olivier: I really miss singing. Even if my parents always tell me that it's just a childish hobby, I really miss singing until I forget about everything else. 

At that point Olivier turned to look at the sea, he seemed to have already talked enough about that topic. He had a thoughtful look like I have rarely seen on his face.

Olivier: Sulani is so beautiful, I understand why you came here…

We talked until the sun rose, before he headed home to prepare for another day at his office. Now that I'm writing this, I actually realise that he probably arrived at his office quite a few hours later than usual, because of the different time zones, that's so unlike him...

We actually didn't take any new decision, officially nothing changed among us, but I can't really imagine that this night spent talking together won't have any consequence. I don't know exactly what will happen now, but I can't imagine not to see him again either.

Next chapter -->