Chapter 10.3: Moving fast

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From Petra's diary 

Michael: Finally I managed to debug that script, it wouldn't run because I typed a tab instead of a space! How stupid is that?

Petra: Ouch, no wonder it took forever to find it!

Emma: ...

Michael: I hope you had a funnier afternoon than mine, that's for sure... 

I admit I was a bit distracted thinking about a certain someone, but it was hard not to notice how Emy's expression seemed even more sulky than Mike was. Did something happen to her?

Michael: Thinking about it... Didn't you go out for a date earlier, Emy?

Emma: Um, well...

Emma: I went out for a coffee with that classmate of mine, Damian. But I wouldn't say it went well, he's so... boring. (Frustrated) It's unfair, why is it so hard to find a boyfriend?

Michael: Is it a rhetorical question?

Emma: Of course it is, and sorry for the rant, really... It's just it wasn't a great day for me. 

She mulled over it some more moments, before deciding to change the topic, jokingly asking:

Emma: What about the two of you instead? Are you having any more luck than I am?

Michael: I'm not even trying, too much work. And you, Petra?

Petra: Uh...

I really could relate with Nico at that moment, it's indeed difficult to talk about certain topics. Generally, I don't consider myself shy, but when it comes to relationships I really forget how to speak like a normal person. In particular if it's about my first relationship, and it's still so early on I don't even know if I can really call it a relationship at all.

Petra: (embarrassed)  I could have started seeing someone in the last few weeks, so to speak.

Emma: Oh, cool! Is it someone we know?

Petra: Well... I wouldn't say you know her well, no. And I wouldn't call it something serious, at least not yet.

Michael: I see. Good for you.

Emma: ...

Emy remained silent for quite a while, I have no clue what she thought during that time. Or, maybe, she was just taking in some breath, considering all the things she asked afterwards it would make sense.

Emma: I'm so happy for you, really! So that's why you're always away in the evening? How did you meet? Have you—

Petra: W-wait, I...

I know it's my best friends, but it's still so hard to answer such questions... I wouldn't be able to talk like this with anyone else, that's for sure.

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Some weeks passed since my last entry, lots of stuff to study, as you may imagine, my dear diary. It's Friday and tonight we're hosting a party at our dorm. I'm quite excited, as of course Sonia is showing up too.

Sonia: Go Tech Sixam!

It was a loud and fun party, practically all the people in the dorm and many of our friends had decided to participate. I couldn't wait to spend some time chatting and chatting with Sonia, maybe even giving her a few compliments, until…

Sonia: Hey, is there something wrong?
Petra: (whispering) We're in front of everyone!
Sonia: (perplexed) But I was barely holding your hand, it's— (Whispering) Don't tell me you want to keep it a secret!
Petra: ...

Did I overreact? Maybe... what I know, however, is that I don't feel comfortable being affectionate with someone in public, where everyone can see it. 
My friends and some of my classmates were also present, was I afraid of their judgment? Reasoning about it now, I don't think that Tech Sixam is the kind of place where I should be afraid of any of these things. My instinctive reaction was the irrational opposite instead, and I felt more and more uncomfortable as the seconds passed and I noticed more and more people turning towards us.

I couldn't stand there, at the centre of attention, and for a reason like that too. So, without being able to say anything anymore, I turned my back on a visibly confused and worried Sonia and then ran to hide in my room. 

It's not like me to act this way, I'm very ashamed of making such a scene. And it didn't even seem like the others wanted to give me time to clear my thoughts a bit, because I hadn't even had time to close my room's door when I realized that Emy had run after me throughout the dormitory.
She seemed tired from running up two flights of stairs, but also terribly worried at seeing me so upset. I know she meant well, but in that moment I felt like she was the last person I wanted to see me in that state of mind.

Emma: (worried) Petra, are you okay?
Petra: … I'm just a little... bah, I don't know what to say either. I just didn't expect it, that's probably mostly it.

Emy could have thought so many different things. She could have been upset, because I didn't tell her sooner about Sonia and answer her questions in the last few weeks. She's always telling me and Mike all the details about her (bad) dates, after all. Or she could also have been perplexed by my reaction, and think that I had overreacted, that in the end that wasn't a valid reason to make such a scene and ruin everyone's party.

Instead she told me, with her usual caring expression:

Emma: I’m sorry Sonia rushed you.
Petra: … Uh.

I don't know how she does it, but her words often hit me hard, they manage to make me feel understood even when I fall into the trap of feeling inadequate to the situation.

Then, with an encouraging smile, she added:

Emma: And I don't think you have to worry about the others either, tomorrow they'll forget about it already. Everything will be better after a good sleep!

What the heck... Despite all the time I spent with Sonia, the one I really like is still my childhood best friend...

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The next morning I did my best to follow the lessons and catch up on my homework, but I have to admit it was hard to focus on any of it. It was obvious that I had to find Sonia as soon as possible to clarify the situation, but how could I explain to her what was going through my head when everything seemed so confusing to me too?

Despite this, I asked her to meet me in the late afternoon. It was surprisingly warm for late December, and I'm quite sure I heard insects buzzing around almost as if it were summer. Or maybe it was just my stress that was making my ears ring, I have to admit that the anticipation of that conversation was making me feel quite worried…

Sonia: I'm sorry for making you feel uncomfortable, I really am, but I really didn't expect you to react like that!

Petra: You actually caught me off guard, I felt embarrassed.

A rather long and unpleasant silence followed, even a chatterbox like her had trouble finding the right words, perhaps. After a while, she finally decided to say, with a resigned sigh:

Sonia: I had actually heard that you people from the Sim Nation are more, how to say... old-fashioned. But here we are almost all from sixamians, for a week now everyone has seen me glow every time I was around you, I didn't think there was anything to keep secret...

I don't know if with those words she meant to spur me on or what else, but she had simply managed to have the opposite effect.

Petra: Well, even if that were the case, didn't you consider I might prefer to take things a little more slowly, instead?

Sonia: I see...

Sonia: Well, maybe this whole story wasn't such a great idea, after all. "Taking things slowly" certainly isn't my thing, I don't think it could work.

Petra: ...

Let me say this isn't the kind of cultural clash I would have expected to experience, before moving here.

We decided to end the relationship before we could really say it had really started. Sonia said goodbye, mentioning that she hoped to see me again at some party or on Wednesdays at the café, I think she wants to at least remain friends.

I don't know what I will do yet, and maybe it's not even wise to make a decision now, on the spur of the moment.

Time will tell, but in the meantime, I have to admit that I already feel much more relieved than I did this morning. Sonia is pretty, funny and smart, I enjoyed a lot spending time with her, but I can't say I ever felt anything deeper for her.

 Just one more indication that this relationship wasn't meant to be, probably.

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So a new weekend arrived, which this time also coincided with the New Year's Eve celebrations. I wasn't in the mood to go out and attend one of the big parties around campus, and Emy and Mike didn't protest. So, without thinking too much, we ended up participating in the little party organized in our dorm.

New year, new life, that's what they say, right?

Who knows what surprises the new year will have in store for us, I'm really curious to find out...

Michael and Emma: Happy New Year!

Emma: Are you okay, Petra?

Petra: Yeah, just some headache...

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§HermioneSims§ corner

Hi everyone! This time I want to take this little space to briefly explain how this chapter exactly came to be the way it ended up being, and in particular all the drama with Sonia.

You have to know that (for once) none of this drama was originally planned, but that during the gameplay a non-negligible percentage of the interactions between Petra and Sonia failed, in particular the autonomous ones. So I was sort of obliged to take this route, and close their relationship before it had any chance to turn serious. I feel really guilty this time, writing a chapter on what happened while playing ended up being quite harsh on my characters this time. And the generation has just started...